I got passion in my pants, and I ain’t afraid to show it. I’m sexy and I know it!
Male attractiveness is one of the most ambiguous concepts in our modern society. Everyone seems to have an opinion on it! Your parents will tell you to “just be yourself”. But if you have been yourself for the last 25 years and it doesn’t get you laid, this advice is not very helpful.
Girls will tell you to be “nice” or “friendly”, and then they will go hook up with the guys who aren’t.
And society will tell you to that money or looks get you girls, but chances are that that will only get you a superficial gold digger.
So what is it that makes a man attractive? Is there an easy fix if you don’t date the girls you want to be dating? The answer is no. there is no easy way to get the girl(s) of your dreams. BUT there is a slow way. It takes a lot of courage, time investment, disappointments and embarrassments- eventually though it will get you where you want to be, and probably far beyond that. This articleis about the five complex, hard-to-grasp, but actually working concepts that you need to implement for that.
Just like with everything, repetition can make you get better at approaching girls! You might suck at first, but slowly and constantly improve if you stick to it. What feels awkward at the beginning becomes more and more normal the more you practice it. By pushing your limits that way, you will continuously expand your comfort zone.
This is called building momentum. By executing something over and over again, it is possible to get into a flow state that allows us to achieve things we didn’t think were possible before. That’s why it is so important to go out, to be social, to interact with other people: it continuously builds social momentum and gets you into this flow state that is necessary to be attractive.
There are two kinds of momentum though and it is important to know the difference: Macro momentum and micro momentum.
Macro momentum is achieved through having an active social life over years and decades. It gives you the confidence to always know how to act in any social situation, simply because you have the reference experience from previous similar situations.
Micro momentum on the other hand is the momentum that you build up during a single night out. Have you ever noticed how you might feel a little awkward when you first arrive at a club, especially if you haven’t been socializing before? You might talk more quietly, be more serious, laugh less and not dance at all. Over time however, through talking and interacting with others, you get more into a flow state, you unstifle yourself and more and more build up that micro momentum that gives you the confidence to let loose. After all, that’s the reason why clubs peak at the end of the night, and not at the beginning!
The next time you go to a club, you again will have to build up that micro momentum of the night. Again, you will feel awkward at first. Again, you will feel a little tense. If you go out regularly however, you won’t be starting from scratch. Instead, you will have the macro momentum, the reference experience from previous nights, that you can build on.
People tend to say that “What you deserve is what you get!” and this is also true when it comes to meeting women. Although, to be even more precise, it should be “What you think you deserve is what you get!”
In theory it is very simple: you will get exactly the kind of girl that you feel entitled to. You can never get a girl if you secretly feel like she is “out of your league”, since girls will sense that immediately. You will start to qualify yourself, you will try to impress her, and all of this will just show your desperation for affection.
The question then is: how do I get entitled to hotter girls? (For a more detailed break-down of how to increase entitlement, click here: How to increase your sense of entitlement). And the answer is, once again, to go out a lot. By constantly approaching girls that seem out of your league and this way expanding your comfort zone, you will gradually realize that these girls aren’t so special after all. Eventually, you will hook up with one or two, and this will allow your self-perception to adjust to the fact that they are just human and not out of your league whatsoever.
The irony is that entitlement in environments like bars, parties or clubs is completely subjective. It does not matter at all what you achieved in your life, how you look like or what you can offer to a girl! The only thing entitlement is based on is your self-perception.
If you are a fat, unemployed high school drop-out who still lives in his mom’s basement, but you feel truly entitled and as a result have the core confidence to approach the hottest girls completely unstifled, you will be successful. If on the other hand you are a good-looking, rich businessman, but let yourself be intimidated by the superficial beauty 20-year old girls, there is no way they will fall for you!
That is the main reason why looks or money or a cool car do not matter when it comes to picking up girls: while these things can give you a certain feeling of entitlement, they are ultimately not necessary to feel entitled! All you need is to go out, build reference experiences, build momentum and build the social skills that allow you to feel entitled to any kind of girl!
Humor is a main source of attraction. Women will constantly emphasize how important a good sense of humor is to them. What does that mean though? What the woman finds funny might not be funny to you and vice versa. In fact, she might hate the kind of humor you have! Does that mean that you should try to please her sense of humor, try to make her laugh? Definitely not! It is not so much about ‘being funny’, but rather about ‘having fun’. ’Being funny’ is always very subjective, while ‘having fun’ is totally objective!
Anyone in the club can see when you are having fun, and everyone is going to want to be part of that fun, regardless of what the reason for the fun is! Therefore it is crucially important to say stuff and do stuff that is amusing to yourself! If it cracks you up, it’s funny. It’s as simple as that. That will put you in a good mood, will make you have fun, and will others want to share the fun with you.
When I’m in the club for example, I will go crazy on the dance floor! I will dance on the pole, I will jump around like a maniac, I will grind on girls from behind. Why? Simply because I think it’s funny. It amuses me and this feeling transfers on to everyone around.
Freedom from outcome/ Abundance mentality
Most guys approach girls with an agenda in mind. They go over to a girl because they want something. It could be sex, it could be validation, or it could be that they just want to look cool in front of their friends.
But wanting something, hoping for a certain outcome, implies that there is something at stake. If it doesn’t go well, the opportunity for sex is gone. If you don’t get the validation you want, your confidence will suffer.
This kind of mindset immediately puts pressure on you. You will fear the rejection and do anything to avoid all the bad feelings associated with it. Ironically though it is that fear of rejection that will get you rejected! It will hold you back from being yourself; It will make you play it save; It will stop you from acting through your own intentions.
To avoid all that, it is important to approach any girl with an abundance mentality. There is an infinite amount of girls and it does not matter if the one you approach right now likes you or not. If she does, cool. If she doesn’t, cool too. This is closely related with the concept of self-amusement. If you are self-amused, why would you care if the girl likes you? If you are having fun, why would it matter if the girl is attracted? The act of talking to a girl should simply be an act of sharing the fun with her that you are having, and then it is up to her whether she wants to join the fun or not. This mindset will lead to complete freedom from outcome, which in turn will allow you to fully be yourself.
This is the vaguest and hardest to explain concept, but also the most important one. Groundedness means that you have a clear idea of who you are. It means that you know what you stand for as a person, what your values are, what your goals in life are, what your vision is.
The concept of groundedness is so hard to understand, and even harder to implement, because everyone thinks that he knows himself! Everyone thinks he knows what defines him! What a lot of people tend to do however is that they find stuff or people that represent something and add them to their lives, thinking that this defines their personality!
The problem is though that the self is always coming through. If you base your self-perception on externalities like your looks, your car or your friends, then you will lack the centeredness that comes only with a man who knows and is on his clear path in life. Without that groundedness you will also certainly lack all the other attributes that I previously named as being important. (Read more about how society teaches you the wrong values here)
- You won’t have a true feeling of entitlement, because your entitlement depends on externalities and does not come from within.
- You won’t be self-amused because you never really explored what amuses you!
- And you won’t have an abundance mentality because the fact that you are not grounded in yourself constantly makes you seek for validation through girls’ reactions.
To see how grounded you really are, just strip yourself of every externality that usually gives you confidence when going out. Don’t bring your friends. Don’t go to a place where you know people. Don’t drink. Don’t dress fancy. If you can do all that and still talk to girls with the same attitude that you had before, you have true core confidence that is solely grounded in your personality and unconditional trust in your abilities.
And if you don’t have that gorundedness yet, you can accomplish it by, you might have guessed it, going out, interacting with people, constantly putting your personality on the line and constantly pushing your comfort zone!
And that is basically all you have to do in order to become better at picking up women. Just put yourself out there! That will, over time, auto-correct the issues you might have right now. It will give you a deeper sense of who you are, therefore increasing your groundedness. It will build momentum and teach you how to use momentum to your advantage. It will increase your sense of entitlement through reference experience. It will get you more in touch with yourself and teach you what you find amusing. And this will implement an abundance mentality into you, since you stop caring what other people think of you and start acting on your own intentions, doing only what is fun to you.
These rules of attraction are incredibly complex in detail, but very simple when you zoom out and look at the bigger picture. Now all you have to do is go out and apply them!